So, SA just called....
We found the problem.
IT WAS A DISCONNECTED FRONT LEFT TWEETER
All the parts and procedures we did so far were not necessary, and they didn't address the problem. However TSARA (Germany) etc had us run through all these steps to figure out the core issue. The self driving system was not turning on because it requires to have functioning speakers to provide audible warnings, however the "computer" wasn't telling us that's why it wasn't turning on. Once TSARA determined it was due to a fault in the stereo system we tested all the speakers and traced it to the front left tweeter
I believe the tint job theory is back on the roster as far as them fucking up the door panels/disconnecting it during the install process?! Maybe? However this doesn't excuse the next steps and the ineptitude to diagnose something this simple. I also don't

not hearing the tweeter... but it's been so fucking long now I don't

I am very sensitive to this sort of a thing and normally would pick up on non working car components.
Why did this require 60 days! to get addressed? It seems like one competent tech + procedure should have been able to figure out the issue at hand in 2-5 hrs of diagnostics... I have no idea what sort of bill this racked up, but I am pretty sure it is at least 5 figures if not more.
This was an insane rollercoaster of an automotive experience...

somewhere something is really broken at BMW corp.. this shouldn't have happened. Unfortunately without having forensic science determine what was really done I don't really know what was the core issue or if it is even caused by tint... or if its fully fixed just yet (typing from home).
Will pick up the car in 2hrs and report back.