OT 18: Anti-Social Distancing

[troyguitar]

[SAWCE]

I've never understood people seeing therapists for perpetuity. When I started with mine, we set a goal, and when the goal was achieved, that was it. It was 12 mos almost to the day...my last visit she concluded with "you've met your goal, I'm pleased with your progress, I don't think I'll need to see you again."

That was an incredible feeling, and knowing the whole time that there was an end-game made a big difference for me.

I wouldn't even know where to begin as far as goals go. Hell I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to decide who to talk to, what to say to them, how much to spend, etc. It's impossible to "know the value" - I don't even know what I need or want, which makes it seem like it would be a giant waste of money at a time when I feel like most of my issues already revolve around money.

You might go in there thinking your issues revolve solely around money and the conversation would flow with the therapist exporting different things and maybe find something in your past that is an underlying worry and you associate money with that. Ie: maybe the worry about money is actually rooted in something from your childhood that left you feeling out of control or insecure, and money is a security that you can hold onto now. But then through the therapy you’d work to overcome that deep rooted issue or worry and maybe loosen up on worrying about actual money.

My experience with therapy is very limited and I need to start going again.

[goIftdibrad]

In on 1

[goIftdibrad]

almost quitting time for the day. about another hour or so. Not sure if today is a bike ride or weights yet.

[wap]

From in OT 17:

You would be completely fine because that is 30 years worth of shit in there. You would have started when the dow was at 770 points... that's right the DOW WAS NOT EVEN AT 1k. I am sure you can muster retiring @ a level that is still higher than even 2 years ago, at which point you would have already had 2000% gains.

30 years ago in 1990 the dow was a bit under 3000. When our 401k was established a couple years later it was in the low 3000's.

But yea, you're overall point is

[D Griff]

@ ... I think the issues revolve less around money and more about learning to appreciate what you have and practive gratitude.

It's been thrown around here many times here... but your household and mine are at a similar income level, where you live is cheaper, and I think I'm rich and you think you're poor.

[dubshow]

OT 17 got fiesty at the end there!

[dubshow]

almost quitting time for the day. about another hour or so. Not sure if today is a bike ride or weights yet.

Whynotboth

[dubshow]

Carry on

[dubshow]

@ ... I think the issues revolve less around money and more about learning to appreciate what you have and practive gratitude.

It's been thrown around here many times here... but your household and mine are at a similar income level, where you live is cheaper, and I think I'm rich and you think you're poor.

Nope. Always about money. TYPICAL BMW OWNER.

[dubshow]

Or don't?

I demand a refund.

[dubshow]

I wouldn't even know where to begin as far as goals go. Hell I wouldn't even know where to begin trying to decide who to talk to, what to say to them, how much to spend, etc. It's impossible to "know the value" - I don't even know what I need or want, which makes it seem like it would be a giant waste of money at a time when I feel like most of my issues already revolve around money.

You might go in there thinking your issues revolve solely around money and the conversation would flow with the therapist exporting different things and maybe find something in your past that is an underlying worry and you associate money with that. Ie: maybe the worry about money is actually rooted in something from your childhood that left you feeling out of control or insecure, and money is a security that you can hold onto now. But then through the therapy you’d work to overcome that deep rooted issue or worry and maybe loosen up on worrying about actual money.

My experience with therapy is very limited and I need to start going again.

This man fucking gets it. I also married one so I get the family rate. and I pay in

[dubshow]

I demand a refund.

TrumpBux incoming

wife gets all $2400 tho in her account

[troyguitar]

@ ... I think the issues revolve less around money and more about learning to appreciate what you have and practive gratitude.

It's been thrown around here many times here... but your household and mine are at a similar income level, where you live is cheaper, and I think I'm rich and you think you're poor.

It's more about having mutually exclusive life goals. I want to live somewhere nice and retire early and be a musician playing stuff that I like with a reasonable schedule i.e. not busting ass 60+ hrs a week until I grow to hate it. Those are the 3 things I still want to do in my life.

...but that's not actually possible without a trust fund or a lotto win or a hit radio single. So which dream do I give up? It can't be the retirement, wife won't give that up and I wouldn't try to convince her otherwise.

(For the record, it is not cheaper here. Our taxes are high as fuck and we do not own a home in a rapidly growing city.)

[troyguitar]

Come to think of it, it's actually more complicated than I just wrote. The wife and I share the first two goals: live somewhere nice, retire early.

My 3rd is be something that I want to be, her 3rd is to do a bunch of traveling.

If I give up my third, we can do her 3. If she gives up her third, we can do my 3.

If economic forces or health issues that are out of our control happen, neither of us gets to do any of it. This seems the most likely end game right now. So yeah, I'm fucking worried.

[D Griff]

@ ... I think the issues revolve less around money and more about learning to appreciate what you have and practive gratitude.

It's been thrown around here many times here... but your household and mine are at a similar income level, where you live is cheaper, and I think I'm rich and you think you're poor.

It's more about having mutually exclusive life goals. I want to live somewhere nice and retire early and be a musician playing stuff that I like with a reasonable schedule i.e. not busting ass 60+ hrs a week until I grow to hate it. Those are the 3 things I still want to do in my life.

...but that's not actually possible without a trust fund or a lotto win or a hit radio single. So which dream do I give up? It can't be the retirement, wife won't give that up and I wouldn't try to convince her otherwise.

(For the record, it is not cheaper here. Our taxes are high as fuck and we do not own a home in a rapidly growing city.)

Pretty sure I've lost $30K on this house

I definitely hear you... but aain, I think the answer is just working to be happy with what you've got. I don't like my job at all but the pay is good, I get four weeks off per year, and pretty much don't work more than 40 hours. There's lots to appreciate about it, despite the fact that day to day, it sucks. Especially right now.

[Apex]

Carry on

My wayward son

[wap]

Carry on

My wayward son

There'll be peace when you are done.

[troyguitar]

It's more about having mutually exclusive life goals. I want to live somewhere nice and retire early and be a musician playing stuff that I like with a reasonable schedule i.e. not busting ass 60+ hrs a week until I grow to hate it. Those are the 3 things I still want to do in my life.

...but that's not actually possible without a trust fund or a lotto win or a hit radio single. So which dream do I give up? It can't be the retirement, wife won't give that up and I wouldn't try to convince her otherwise.

(For the record, it is not cheaper here. Our taxes are high as fuck and we do not own a home in a rapidly growing city.)

Pretty sure I've lost $30K on this house

I definitely hear you... but aain, I think the answer is just working to be happy with what you've got. I don't like my job at all but the pay is good, I get four weeks off per year, and pretty much don't work more than 40 hours. There's lots to appreciate about it, despite the fact that day to day, it sucks. Especially right now.

Want to trade?

[Melon]

My house is underwater.
Because it went underwater.

[wap]

My house is underwater.
Because it went underwater.

[troyguitar]

Want to trade?

Real question - why do you think you'd feel differently?

We hate this place. We were already way happier with more or less the same life we have now but in bumfuck KY with some access to a small city. Charlotte is yet another step up from there and is where we actually wanted to go. It seemed like a realistically attainable dream. Spent a couple of years trying to network and applying to stuff. Got some interviews, got no offers.

I'm guessing we'd be happier almost anywhere that's not here. It's the worst of all worlds. Cold, gray, remote, expensive, no fucking AC despite the humid summers, and still full of rednecks but instead of being nice like in the South they are assholes like in NYC.

We have been happier everywhere else we have lived thus far in our lives. Williamsport, PA was awesome in comparison and that place sucks.

[troyguitar]

I'd take $100k for sitting at a phone/computer at home for no more than 40 hours too. I already do that for less.

I'd especially take it in Charlotte with the wife also having a real job in Charlotte.

That beats the fuck out of only one of us having a real job in Corning.

We can't find 2 real job offers in one good city, hell we can't find one.

[Desertbreh]

My house is underwater.
Because it went underwater.

Kapitan Melon. U-Boat Commander.

[D Griff]

Pretty sure I've lost $30K on this house

I definitely hear you... but aain, I think the answer is just working to be happy with what you've got. I don't like my job at all but the pay is good, I get four weeks off per year, and pretty much don't work more than 40 hours. There's lots to appreciate about it, despite the fact that day to day, it sucks. Especially right now.

Want to trade?

No but that is hardly the point. I guess what I'm getting at is that very few people have anything close to a perfect life. I'm sure even the rich folks on this forum you're jealous of have plenty of problems.

I have wanted to move to CA as well for many years and I made the choice to marry who is clearly not on board... here we are. But I am going to make the best of all that I've got.