OT 19: Masks On, Clothes Off, Right Hand Left Titty

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Tarspin wrote: Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:47 pm
KYGTIGuy wrote: Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:31 pm

I've been there before too. Communicating what our issues are regularly prevent it from getting to a boiling point. Sounds simple but I have to work at it. Not really a game plan but I know how you feel.
Cool, thanks for your input. I suppose I can try and prod a bit to get more out of her. It seems like she is insecure about the kids thinking she is a bad mom, but uses reverse accusations as a defense mechanism. I'm not really emotionally charged by any of it, I usually call her out and then let her have the last word or two or three and then she passes out and I go and smoke a J 🤣
Yeah, I don't have the answers. Just wanted to share

It's hard work as you know. But so is divorce and single parenting I suspect.
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Tarspin wrote: Fri Jan 15, 2021 10:30 pm Image

This is the random shit I deal with right before my SO gets her period. I think I gestured that I'm going upstairs to help the kids brush their teeth. This after we had a fantastic evening of cooking together and watching a Disney flick with the kids.

I swear she has no self confidence paired with no self control. Terrible combo!
Damn man... that is some heavy stuff :sad:
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KYGTIGuy wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 12:12 am
Tarspin wrote: Fri Jan 15, 2021 11:47 pm

Cool, thanks for your input. I suppose I can try and prod a bit to get more out of her. It seems like she is insecure about the kids thinking she is a bad mom, but uses reverse accusations as a defense mechanism. I'm not really emotionally charged by any of it, I usually call her out and then let her have the last word or two or three and then she passes out and I go and smoke a J 🤣
Yeah, I don't have the answers. Just wanted to share

It's hard work as you know. But so is divorce and single parenting I suspect.
I think you’re right about communication and it’s way more difficult than it should be.

It’s difficult to not lash out in response to something like that text.

Wish I could offer something helpful....
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D Griff wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:52 am
Tarspin wrote: Fri Jan 15, 2021 10:30 pm Image

This is the random shit I deal with right before my SO gets her period. I think I gestured that I'm going upstairs to help the kids brush their teeth. This after we had a fantastic evening of cooking together and watching a Disney flick with the kids.

I swear she has no self confidence paired with no self control. Terrible combo!
Damn man... that is some heavy stuff :sad:
Big time. That's a bit more than normal :tits: :sass: IMO, likely something requiring professional intervention. Have you guys done therapy? I know that's often a non starter because :tits: will never see anything wrong, but worth mentioning.

It cuts deep man, I'm sorry.

Seems like :tits: have gone off the rails en masse lately. Mine yelled at me last night for trying to pressure her into :dock: when I just asked if there's anything I could do to make her want it more. I give up, just going to get high and ride out the next few months.
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:40 pm My guess would be that Chris took some time off because he has read the dialogue on this page 1,345 times and decided to spend some of his free time doing something besides beating a horse to death.
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Thank you guys for your empathy and input on the sitch.

This is a common cycle of three weeks of all good, and a final week of instability and surprise accusations. For those thinking I'm just a cuck in training, I assure you that I would be out of this rediculous relationship if it weren't for two little boys that need a stable family unit. I don't take well to abuse or hollow threats.

Saying that, we all wake up normal again and the house is in peace. A couple of well worded text msgs helped to smooth things over, and while she sulked through her open tasks, I called her over and gave her a hug. Basically, telling her that I'm not mad, and just confused about last night.

She told me that I undermined her direction to the kids and it triggered her. I suppose she told them to go upstairs and get ready, and once I saw that the kitchen only had a couple of items left I started heading up to help. Basically :tits: logic combined with a sense that she is losing control, and a plethora of unresolved confidence issues.

We are all good, and while I carry the resentment with me, I'll help her study for her job interview for one day and leave her at the cottage for the week to have peace for studying and to do her interview without distraction. Since make up :dock: is always great, we will do some of that to close out this stupidity.

Grandparents will watch the kids for the night, and should be :notbad: by next week when she's past her hormonal surge or whatever.

This will likely go on for the next thirteen years and I'll bounce once the kids are 18 unless she becomes a different person.
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Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:51 am
D Griff wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:52 am

Damn man... that is some heavy stuff :sad:
Big time. That's a bit more than normal :tits: :sass: IMO, likely something requiring professional intervention. Have you guys done therapy? I know that's often a non starter because :tits: will never see anything wrong, but worth mentioning.

It cuts deep man, I'm sorry.

Seems like :tits: have gone off the rails en masse lately. Mine yelled at me last night for trying to pressure her into :dock: when I just asked if there's anything I could do to make her want it more. I give up, just going to get high and ride out the next few months.
It is deep rooted, and part of a hormonal change post partum. Sadly, therapy wasn't a lasting solution, and I dont have an extra $150/hr or whatever RN.

Women everywhere are losing their shit. I know that they fight to have equality, but holding these threats over someone's head is well past that and into a state of verbal and mental abuse, they hold all the cards and they use that to manipulate men.
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Tarspin wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:56 am
Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:51 am
Big time. That's a bit more than normal :tits: :sass: IMO, likely something requiring professional intervention. Have you guys done therapy? I know that's often a non starter because :tits: will never see anything wrong, but worth mentioning.

It cuts deep man, I'm sorry.

Seems like :tits: have gone off the rails en masse lately. Mine yelled at me last night for trying to pressure her into :dock: when I just asked if there's anything I could do to make her want it more. I give up, just going to get high and ride out the next few months.
It is deep rooted, and part of a hormonal change post partum. Sadly, therapy wasn't a lasting solution, and I dont have an extra $150/hr or whatever RN.

Women everywhere are losing their shit. I know that they fight to have equality, but holding these threats over someone's head is well past that and into a state of verbal and mental abuse, they hold all the cards and they use that to manipulate men.
I guess the good news is you know what to expect and to take these sorts of attacks with a grain of salt. It's still abuse IMO I guess you just need to find a healthy way to let it roll off your back and cope?

I know youre dealing with post partum stuff making it worse, but I think these lockdowns have :tits: in general all twisted up. I'm distancing myself from my wife. She's never done anything like that, but any little wrong word or whatever can/will send her over the edge lately. I'm walking on egg shells, it's getting old...but pack a bowl and :aintcare: not much else to do right now.
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:40 pm My guess would be that Chris took some time off because he has read the dialogue on this page 1,345 times and decided to spend some of his free time doing something besides beating a horse to death.
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Tarspin wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:53 am Thank you guys for your empathy and input on the sitch.

This is a common cycle of three weeks of all good, and a final week of instability and surprise accusations. For those thinking I'm just a cuck in training, I assure you that I would be out of this rediculous relationship if it weren't for two little boys that need a stable family unit. I don't take well to abuse or hollow threats.

Saying that, we all wake up normal again and the house is in peace. A couple of well worded text msgs helped to smooth things over, and while she sulked through her open tasks, I called her over and gave her a hug. Basically, telling her that I'm not mad, and just confused about last night.

She told me that I undermined her direction to the kids and it triggered her. I suppose she told them to go upstairs and get ready, and once I saw that the kitchen only had a couple of items left I started heading up to help. Basically :tits: logic combined with a sense that she is losing control, and a plethora of unresolved confidence issues.

We are all good, and while I carry the resentment with me, I'll help her study for her job interview for one day and leave her at the cottage for the week to have peace for studying and to do her interview without distraction. Since make up :dock: is always great, we will do some of that to close out this stupidity.

Grandparents will watch the kids for the night, and should be :notbad: by next week when she's past her hormonal surge or whatever.

This will likely go on for the next thirteen years and I'll bounce once the kids are 18 unless she becomes a different person.
I was writing a post about how I was trying to show empathy, not sympathy then saw your edit. Nice.
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[user not found] wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 11:41 am
Tarspin wrote: Fri Jan 15, 2021 10:30 pm Image

This is the random shit I deal with right before my SO gets her period. I think I gestured that I'm going upstairs to help the kids brush their teeth. This after we had a fantastic evening of cooking together and watching a Disney flick with the kids.

I swear she has no self confidence paired with no self control. Terrible combo!
Dude...

:(

That's got shades of my MIL written all over it. Does she have a formal diagnosis of any kind?
Issued SSRIs before, I think that it's on the books.

Depression in women probably has similar traits most times. I guess some women have more fight and others more flight. The difference between these two women are that one still has a SO in her old age, but the other assuredly will not.
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[user not found] wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 11:43 am
Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:51 am I give up, just going to get high and ride out the next few months.
A new mountain bike is the right way to ride things out, my friend.
:dat:

Zillman doing 100 mile runs in the winter LOL
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KYGTIGuy wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 10:36 am
Tarspin wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:53 am Thank you guys for your empathy and input on the sitch.

This is a common cycle of three weeks of all good, and a final week of instability and surprise accusations. For those thinking I'm just a cuck in training, I assure you that I would be out of this rediculous relationship if it weren't for two little boys that need a stable family unit. I don't take well to abuse or hollow threats.

Saying that, we all wake up normal again and the house is in peace. A couple of well worded text msgs helped to smooth things over, and while she sulked through her open tasks, I called her over and gave her a hug. Basically, telling her that I'm not mad, and just confused about last night.

She told me that I undermined her direction to the kids and it triggered her. I suppose she told them to go upstairs and get ready, and once I saw that the kitchen only had a couple of items left I started heading up to help. Basically :tits: logic combined with a sense that she is losing control, and a plethora of unresolved confidence issues.

We are all good, and while I carry the resentment with me, I'll help her study for her job interview for one day and leave her at the cottage for the week to have peace for studying and to do her interview without distraction. Since make up :dock: is always great, we will do some of that to close out this stupidity.

Grandparents will watch the kids for the night, and should be :notbad: by next week when she's past her hormonal surge or whatever.

This will likely go on for the next thirteen years and I'll bounce once the kids are 18 unless she becomes a different person.
I was writing a post about how I was trying to show empathy, not sympathy then saw your edit. Nice.
Solid group of people on the forum, really appreciate the chance to share this event. Keeps my head clear and emotions in check.

Also, thanks for your open and honest experience with similar shit.
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[user not found] wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 11:58 am
Tarspin wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 11:50 am

Issued SSRIs before, I think that it's on the books.

Depression in women probably has similar traits most times. I guess some women have more fight and others more flight. The difference between these two women are that one still has a SO in her old age, but the other assuredly will not.
My in-laws finally split this year; sold the house, cashed out, she moved to Texas to live with my SIL for now, and my FIL has his own apartment just a town over from their old house - and they honestly should have done so a long time ago. I think my wife would have been better off if they did - I catch her doing things constantly that I need to remind her she doesn't need to do because this isn't her mom's household. Keeping the shades drawn 24/7 because "people will see in", turning the lights off aggressively, etc.

Now, I'm not telling you that divorce is the only option, but she clearly needs to get help, and needs to be willing to seek out help. Because the moment that her outbursts start to affect the kids, they become defining moments in their development and those moments can and will cause lifelong issues mentally.

My wife is all sorts of fucked up from the household she grew up in.
I'm able to redirect wife's anger issues enough that if I left the kids would have less ying-yang if that makes any sense. I am the rational calm person in the house, and I add solid footing for the kids. Besides, if I left she would only direct her shit more towards the kids.

So I'm thinking about option two... meds make her worse, and since it is cyclical hormonal issues a naturopath seems like a good first step. Thankfully she is already dealing with a good one, and her cousin is aspiring to become one and works at a clinic. He gets her good deals on supplements. Hopefully this gradual lessening of outbursts will continue, and she is miles ahead of where she was two years ago. Believe me this was way uglier.

Therapy is pricey, I'll try and find some resources for us this year. Maybe just come up with a semi-annual housekeeping session or three.

What do you all think of therapy, frequency of visits, individual vs couples, etc.
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Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 10:01 am
Tarspin wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:56 am

It is deep rooted, and part of a hormonal change post partum. Sadly, therapy wasn't a lasting solution, and I dont have an extra $150/hr or whatever RN.

Women everywhere are losing their shit. I know that they fight to have equality, but holding these threats over someone's head is well past that and into a state of verbal and mental abuse, they hold all the cards and they use that to manipulate men.
I guess the good news is you know what to expect and to take these sorts of attacks with a grain of salt. It's still abuse IMO I guess you just need to find a healthy way to let it roll off your back and cope?

I know youre dealing with post partum stuff making it worse, but I think these lockdowns have :tits: in general all twisted up. I'm distancing myself from my wife. She's never done anything like that, but any little wrong word or whatever can/will send her over the edge lately. I'm walking on egg shells, it's getting old...but pack a bowl and :aintcare: not much else to do right now.
Something interesting just posted grand rapids bike swap facebook. Have to scroll down a bit.

https://m.facebook.com/groups/470631973026378/
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Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:51 am
D Griff wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 8:52 am

Damn man... that is some heavy stuff :sad:
Big time. That's a bit more than normal :tits: :sass: IMO, likely something requiring professional intervention. Have you guys done therapy? I know that's often a non starter because :tits: will never see anything wrong, but worth mentioning.

It cuts deep man, I'm sorry.

Seems like :tits: have gone off the rails en masse lately. Mine yelled at me last night for trying to pressure her into :dock: when I just asked if there's anything I could do to make her want it more. I give up, just going to get high and ride out the next few months.
This is probably good advice for a lot of us.
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KYGTIGuy wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 12:21 pm
Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 10:01 am
I guess the good news is you know what to expect and to take these sorts of attacks with a grain of salt. It's still abuse IMO I guess you just need to find a healthy way to let it roll off your back and cope?

I know youre dealing with post partum stuff making it worse, but I think these lockdowns have :tits: in general all twisted up. I'm distancing myself from my wife. She's never done anything like that, but any little wrong word or whatever can/will send her over the edge lately. I'm walking on egg shells, it's getting old...but pack a bowl and :aintcare: not much else to do right now.
Something interesting just posted grand rapids bike swap facebook. Have to scroll down a bit.

https://m.facebook.com/groups/470631973026378/

Dis?

looks :neat: don't know much about the brand but the setup and components looks solid. 2.8 tires :megusta:
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:40 pm My guess would be that Chris took some time off because he has read the dialogue on this page 1,345 times and decided to spend some of his free time doing something besides beating a horse to death.
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[user not found] wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 11:43 am
Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 9:51 am I give up, just going to get high and ride out the next few months.
A new mountain bike is the right way to ride things out, my friend.
Tough in this season. Not much snow, just cold rainy mud. Then when it does snow, we'll get a ton. Hence my interest in the fat bike...
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:40 pm My guess would be that Chris took some time off because he has read the dialogue on this page 1,345 times and decided to spend some of his free time doing something besides beating a horse to death.
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Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:19 pm
KYGTIGuy wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 12:21 pm

Something interesting just posted grand rapids bike swap facebook. Have to scroll down a bit.

https://m.facebook.com/groups/470631973026378/

Dis?

looks :neat: don't know much about the brand but the setup and components looks solid. 2.8 tires :megusta:
That's it. Seems expensive to me. Don't know how that was 3700 msrp.
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KYGTIGuy wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:58 pm
Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:19 pm

Dis?

looks :neat: don't know much about the brand but the setup and components looks solid. 2.8 tires :megusta:
That's it. Seems expensive to me. Don't know how that was 3700 msrp.
Yea, seemed pricey to me, but I don't know what used bikes go for these days. I really like this spec and big tire capability, pretty much what I want overall, just no clue how it rides. 3 years ago, this was probably a pretty well setup bike, and back then things rarely sold for MSRP. $1,500 and I'd probably be on my way down to check it out.
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:40 pm My guess would be that Chris took some time off because he has read the dialogue on this page 1,345 times and decided to spend some of his free time doing something besides beating a horse to death.
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Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:20 pm
[user not found] wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 11:43 am

A new mountain bike is the right way to ride things out, my friend.
Tough in this season. Not much snow, just cold rainy mud. Then when it does snow, we'll get a ton. Hence my interest in the fat bike...
All the trails are closed here because of rain/mud :disappoint:

I’m hoping the weather stays sunny, this weekend has been ok but I spent all day clearing the last leaves yesterday.

I too have been taking more to weed of late :ohwell:

Fortunately my wife has been pretty level and cool recently, just a bit down on herself for being lazy and not accomplishing things... but it’s winter and a pandemic and we’re stuck at home.
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D Griff wrote: Sun Jan 17, 2021 9:03 am
Detroit wrote: Sat Jan 16, 2021 1:20 pm
Tough in this season. Not much snow, just cold rainy mud. Then when it does snow, we'll get a ton. Hence my interest in the fat bike...
All the trails are closed here because of rain/mud :disappoint:

I’m hoping the weather stays sunny, this weekend has been ok but I spent all day clearing the last leaves yesterday.

I too have been taking more to weed of late :ohwell:

Fortunately my wife has been pretty level and cool recently, just a bit down on herself for being lazy and not accomplishing things... but it’s winter and a pandemic and we’re stuck at home.
Michelle had been getting that way too re: feeling lazy. She gets in a vicious cycle where she’ll stop doing everything and eat like shit, then not want to go to the gym or exercise because she’s self conscious about how she looks, which prompts more shit-eating. Caused a big fight on NYE and the next day. She’s made some changes since and has been being more active, going to the gym a few times a week, etc. She’s in a noticeably better mood and was super proud of herself for losing 5lbs last week. Hope she can keep up the drive to keep going since it makes such a difference in her mental state.
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SAWCE wrote: Sun Jan 17, 2021 10:22 am
D Griff wrote: Sun Jan 17, 2021 9:03 am

All the trails are closed here because of rain/mud :disappoint:

I’m hoping the weather stays sunny, this weekend has been ok but I spent all day clearing the last leaves yesterday.

I too have been taking more to weed of late :ohwell:

Fortunately my wife has been pretty level and cool recently, just a bit down on herself for being lazy and not accomplishing things... but it’s winter and a pandemic and we’re stuck at home.
Michelle had been getting that way too re: feeling lazy. She gets in a vicious cycle where she’ll stop doing everything and eat like shit, then not want to go to the gym or exercise because she’s self conscious about how she looks, which prompts more shit-eating. Caused a big fight on NYE and the next day. She’s made some changes since and has been being more active, going to the gym a few times a week, etc. She’s in a noticeably better mood and was super proud of herself for losing 5lbs last week. Hope she can keep up the drive to keep going since it makes such a difference in her mental state.
Yep, same thing pretty much exactly. Allison uses winter as an excuse to not do a lot of things then beats herself up over it.

:ohwell:
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We had to put one of the dogs down last night. Admittedly the one that meant the most to me out of the three we have back at my mom’s house.

We got her in 2012. She was a noble dog, even though. Protected the house with a deep ass bark but would cuddle anyone in it. She was a Shar Pei/Pug mix. The sweetest dog too.

I was really in my feelings last night as I FaceTimed my mom as she was at the vet. She’s sending me the collar she wore for a few years so I can hang on to it.

Image
:doughnut: :narc: :doughnut:
Desertbreh wrote: Thu Oct 17, 2019 3:05 pm DFD. The forum where everybody makes the same choices and then tells anybody trying to join the club that they are the stupidest motherfucker to ever walk the earth.
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razr390 wrote: Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:05 pm We had to put one of the dogs down last night. Admittedly the one that meant the most to me out of the three we have back at my mom’s house.

We got her in 2012. She was a noble dog, even though. Protected the house with a deep ass bark but would cuddle anyone in it. She was a Shar Pei/Pug mix. The sweetest dog too.

I was really in my feelings last night as I FaceTimed my mom as she was at the vet. She’s sending me the collar she wore for a few years so I can hang on to it.

Image
I'm sorry man :sad:

It really blows to lose a pet, she was a cute girl.
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razr390 wrote: Sun Jan 17, 2021 2:05 pm We had to put one of the dogs down last night. Admittedly the one that meant the most to me out of the three we have back at my mom’s house.

We got her in 2012. She was a noble dog, even though. Protected the house with a deep ass bark but would cuddle anyone in it. She was a Shar Pei/Pug mix. The sweetest dog too.

I was really in my feelings last night as I FaceTimed my mom as she was at the vet. She’s sending me the collar she wore for a few years so I can hang on to it.

Image
Sorry to hear that, Rudy. :(
Always horrible to lose a beloved pet.
She was in :impressive: looking beast.
:wap: Where are these mangos?
Detroit wrote: Fri Apr 16, 2021 1:19 pm I don't understand anything anymore.
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Sorry to hear about your pup Rudy, what a beautiful breed. The picture really showcases your description of her temperament :wub:
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