I need financial advice

[ChrisoftheNorth]

We probably went too hard on the realtalk. At this point, it's likely more of a personal decision than one that can be left up to the DFD Court.

lot of tough advice that is but hard to all the same.

[razr390]

I mean I personally won’t judge Max either way. But don’t just dip the fuck out if you hear something you don’t like or didn’t want to hear. At least be like guys I’ll handle it instead of posting in your MINI thread. But I digress.

[ChrisoftheNorth]

I mean I personally won’t judge Max either way. But don’t just dip the fuck out if you hear something you don’t like or didn’t want to hear. At least be like guys I’ll handle it instead of posting in your MINI thread. But I digress.

It's a personal decision that's on him. We provided appropriate points of view, which I think is what he's looking for. I know that's why I make threads...to help me see other POV's on things.

I think we all need to work better at not being quick to judge other's decisions, but instead focus on providing our personal POVs to help each other make the best life decisions we can.

I love you guys.

[razr390]

I mean I personally won’t judge Max either way. But don’t just dip the fuck out if you hear something you don’t like or didn’t want to hear. At least be like guys I’ll handle it instead of posting in your MINI thread. But I digress.

It's a personal decision that's on him. We provided appropriate points of view, which I think is what he's looking for. I know that's why I make threads...to help me see other POV's on things.

I think we all need to work better at not being quick to judge other's decisions, but instead focus on providing our personal POVs to help each other make the best life decisions we can.

I love you guys.

I’m not judging at all and not even mad or trying to be. Just wanted to make sure Max is going into it levelheaded. Which I am sure he will be, just weird that it’s kinda like dead quiet here but posting as normal in the other threads

[Melon]

It's a personal decision that's on him.

100% this.

All points of view I'd bring up have been said. For all of Max's Max-ness, running the numbers has always been a strong suit.
I trust him to make the right decision for himself.

[Melon]

I love you guys.

[razr390]

you all

[goIftdibrad]

It's a personal decision that's on him.

I trust him to make the right decision for himself.

.,....but this is dfd.... He is

[ChrisoftheNorth]

I trust him to make the right decision for himself.

.,....but this is dfd.... He is

We just need to accept that we all make the decision no matter what and get past that. It's getting old.

[goIftdibrad]

.,....but this is dfd.... He is

We just need to accept that we all make the decision no matter what and get past that. It's getting old.

We must enter a loop death spraial.

Just kidding. You are

[Melon]

Or learn from your past mistakes, accept that the future is always unwritten and can be whatever you make it out to be.

Each day is a new day, and with that is a chance to do those things you've always been telling yourself that you're going to do.
Be it eat better, be kinder to other, or take that chance you've always wanted to take.

[dubshow]

I trust him to make the right decision for himself.

.,....but this is dfd.... He is

[ChrisoftheNorth]

Or learn from your past mistakes, accept that the future is always unwritten and can be whatever you make it out to be.

Each day is a new day, and with that is a chance to do those things you've always been telling yourself that you're going to do.
Be it eat better, be kinder to other, or take that chance you've always wanted to take.

[dubshow]

Or learn from your past mistakes, accept that the future is always unwritten and can be whatever you make it out to be.

Each day is a new day, and with that is a chance to do those things you've always been telling yourself that you're going to do.
Be it eat better, be kinder to other, or take that chance you've always wanted to take.

[max225]

Can’t wait till AZN’s parents move in with you guys to cut costs and lessen the financial burden on AZN!

That's somewhat ok, they would take care of the half breeds. Instead of us paying 3k a month to strangers and azn not earning 5 figures clean a month.

[max225]

I dated a korean girl for over a month, she had all the nice clothes, buys Whole Foods for her dog, but drives a 2008ish Civic, when we had dinner, one of her card was declined and told me it exceeded $500 limit, even though she worked in a company too. Her parents moved from Northern VA to a somewhat Baltimore suburb (which she constantly visits), cause it's cheaper. Oh her little sis wore Canadian goose jacket too

It's not like she doesn't have money man. She has XXX,XXX in savings, and is saving mid 4 figures a month... the issues are as to what happened with the money... and how much she is going to support parents in future, in case we decide to get a decent residence.

[max225]

??

We probably went too hard on the realtalk. At this point, it's likely more of a personal decision than one that can be left up to the DFD Court.

I fk'ed up, I just never check OT stuff but I am constantly in carchat. I really appreciate the advice as it has been 5/7

[max225]

Maaannnnnnnnn

This is YOUR problem, not hers. You just need to accept a lot of going to her parents or out now. Like Trudy said, this is a cultural thing that you're not going to be able change. Period. You can agree to a budget, but when something random comes up, she's going to pay it. That's the way it is.

When I got married, I assumed all of the things I didn't care for about my partner won't change. And that's proven to be true, and I'm 100% ok with that because I went into it accepting that. So many people go into marriage expecting x,y,z to change because of discussions or contracts or whatever...but I think that's just going to be a source of tension in the future when perspectives on said past agreements change (like her claiming you guys discussed the property tax thing).

We were both essentially poor with less than 5 figures to our names COMBINED when we met. I understood financial principles, and was AF but I didn't make enough to put anything away on top of my rent and utilities expenses. What's nice about starting from nothing together is we set our financial goals together and have stuck to them. We agreed early on that neither of us would spend more than $500 on something without consulting one another first. We still do that today, and it's been a great practice for full financial transparency. We're also both on each other's accounts...so neither of us can hide anything, not that we'd need to.

Unfortunately, my wife is in the same boat as the azn in that her parents are not in great shape financially. But she doesn't want to pay anything to her parents, and at the same time, her parents wouldn't' accept anything anyway. The most we do is pay for flights to visit and/or pay for dinners or whatever during visits. But we agree to all that ahead of time and I'm completely fine with it.

Right, my problem for sure, however I have a limit... like... lets say your partner told you they had debt.. and you found out it was a different number. Which is sort of what happened on a much lesser scale.

I understand we're not like poor people scrambling to get by, but I needed to understand her expenses, and happened. Hence the thread here. "Acceptance" depends on the understanding of the entire situation, which wasn't present.

AZN and I have set goals 2 years ago and have been working towards it, this was a wrench in said plans, it isn't THAT big a deal, but it was getting to understand the situation.

At this point I am not sure if I updated the thread but we agreed on a number that agrees for us both at this point, and she also mentioned she would work to decrease it further. If/once we get closer to marriage I think we will make additional arrangements with regards to what we each other want to spend on discretionary shit.

To me if I want to waste 1k on a car per month, and she doesn't give a fk but just gives it to her parents instead is the same thing. that's our discretionary spending... I think that number should be around 2k for H&B

[ChrisoftheNorth]

Maaannnnnnnnn

This is YOUR problem, not hers. You just need to accept a lot of going to her parents or out now. Like Trudy said, this is a cultural thing that you're not going to be able change. Period. You can agree to a budget, but when something random comes up, she's going to pay it. That's the way it is.

When I got married, I assumed all of the things I didn't care for about my partner won't change. And that's proven to be true, and I'm 100% ok with that because I went into it accepting that. So many people go into marriage expecting x,y,z to change because of discussions or contracts or whatever...but I think that's just going to be a source of tension in the future when perspectives on said past agreements change (like her claiming you guys discussed the property tax thing).

We were both essentially poor with less than 5 figures to our names COMBINED when we met. I understood financial principles, and was AF but I didn't make enough to put anything away on top of my rent and utilities expenses. What's nice about starting from nothing together is we set our financial goals together and have stuck to them. We agreed early on that neither of us would spend more than $500 on something without consulting one another first. We still do that today, and it's been a great practice for full financial transparency. We're also both on each other's accounts...so neither of us can hide anything, not that we'd need to.

Unfortunately, my wife is in the same boat as the azn in that her parents are not in great shape financially. But she doesn't want to pay anything to her parents, and at the same time, her parents wouldn't' accept anything anyway. The most we do is pay for flights to visit and/or pay for dinners or whatever during visits. But we agree to all that ahead of time and I'm completely fine with it.

Right, my problem for sure, however I have a limit... like... lets say your partner told you they had debt.. and you found out it was a different number. Which is sort of what happened on a much lesser scale.

I understand we're not like poor people scrambling to get by, but I needed to understand her expenses, and happened. Hence the thread here. "Acceptance" depends on the understanding of the entire situation, which wasn't present.

AZN and I have set goals 2 years ago and have been working towards it, this was a wrench in said plans, it isn't THAT big a deal, but it was getting to understand the situation.

At this point I am not sure if I updated the thread but we agreed on a number that agrees for us both at this point, and she also mentioned she would work to decrease it further. If/once we get closer to marriage I think we will make additional arrangements with regards to what we each other want to spend on discretionary shit.

To me if I want to waste 1k on a car per month, and she doesn't give a fk but just gives it to her parents instead is the same thing. that's our discretionary spending... I think that number should be around 2k for H&B

I would just put very little faith in "agreements". She's going to do what she's going to do, and you need to be OK with that. Monthly discretionary is a good agreement, but given the situation, she'll probably blow way past that in some months ZFG because ZOMG MY FAMILY

It's not the money that's the issue, it's the trust. I get that. You're getting a rare glimpse into the future, which is something you shouldn't ignore.