I need financial advice

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max225
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:mindblown: I know...
Long story short, essentially the AZN likes to support her parents, but otherwise lives a very frugal lifestyle.
HOW MUCH she likes to support her parents is unknown to me, however, based on what I know about her savings, 6 figures are missing based on my :math:

We had a :nuke: like fight about this about a year ago prior to the engagement which caused her to have a :nuke: fight with her parents, and she PROMISED ME, that she would only support her parents to the tune of 1k a month tops. Now... that we have prop tax season around us... I found out that she is going to pay for the prop taxes (4k) obviously going over the "promised" 1k a month budget by at least 40%...

I don't control her finances, nor do I care to do so. But we had an agreement as to what our future budget looks like, we're also in full on :scrooge: mode savings for an impossibly expensive house at the moment, and this shit is starting to completely :triggered: me... because a PROMISE was broken.

What say ye? AT this point i am going to have a prenup conversation with her, because I am not comfortable with the lack of fiscal transparency. Yes were NOT married, but promises WERE made, and broken, and we need to be fiscally responsible...

Side note, her parents are not good with money, they should have never retired "early" because they obviously can't make ends meet, they can still work, but because daughter is helping out... they are in full :aintcare: mode.

If we decide to combine our fiscal lives, I don't know that I care for her supporting her parents... right now we can "afford it" but who knows what the future will bring, with our then giant mortgage etc. $1000+ a month is NOTHING to sneeze at, and the lack of fiscal transparency is Annoying.
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I 100% see your side on this. Even before marrying, finances should be ironed out and transparent. Everything should be transparent, really, but at the top of the list is money. Your plan was broken and thats the real issue.

I totally don'y get supporting her parents if they have a spending problem. Thats real :derp: but a hard conversation to have, indeed. Y'all both do well enough and it sounds like there is plenty of money floating around. You need to establish some real basic rules. I also don't believe in prenups and take a firm "if you NEED a prenup you arent ready to be married" approach. Im sure that stupid and #wrong. I was even told so by my dad.

Good luck at not destroying a relationshit over an impasse like this. :yikes:
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dubshow wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:08 pm I 100% see your side on this. Even before marrying, finances should be ironed out and transparent. Everything should be transparent, really, but at the top of the list is money. Your plan was broken and thats the real issue.

I totally don'y get supporting her parents if they have a spending problem. Thats real :derp: but a hard conversation to have, indeed. Y'all both do well enough and it sounds like there is plenty of money floating around. You need to establish some real basic rules. I also don't believe in prenups and take a firm "if you NEED a prenup you arent ready to be married" approach. Im sure that stupid and #wrong. I was even told so by my dad.

Good luck at not destroying a relationshit over an impasse like this. :yikes:
Yea it is a total shitshow, we never really had detailed money talk... up until that point, because we helped eachother 100% with job searches etc. So we knew each others spending habits... on cars/housing etc.

But I was just sort of shocked to find out she was paying off her parents major debt... I just never expected it... she pulls in more money than me, for now which I know is :unicorn: for the most part. But I am not sure that will always be the case. I mean this is a serious issue that already resulted in a big ol fight from my end and her finally realizing she has been had.

That said... this is NEW NEWS as of last night... I got my prop tax bill, bitched to her about it... found out she is covering off her Rent's... and was too tired after fixing a broken fridge last night... to have that fight. Yes I disassembled my fking kitchen fridge and replaced 2 temp senors and a heating element to save money because :scrooge:
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:00 pm :mindblown: I know...
Long story short, essentially the AZN likes to support her parents, but otherwise lives a very frugal lifestyle.
HOW MUCH she likes to support her parents is unknown to me, however, based on what I know about her savings, 6 figures are missing based on my :math:

We had a :nuke: like fight about this about a year ago prior to the engagement which caused her to have a :nuke: fight with her parents, and she PROMISED ME, that she would only support her parents to the tune of 1k a month tops. Now... that we have prop tax season around us... I found out that she is going to pay for the prop taxes (4k) obviously going over the "promised" 1k a month budget by at least 40%...

I don't control her finances, nor do I care to do so. But we had an agreement as to what our future budget looks like, we're also in full on :scrooge: mode savings for an impossibly expensive house at the moment, and this shit is starting to completely :triggered: me... because a PROMISE was broken.

What say ye? AT this point i am going to have a prenup conversation with her, because I am not comfortable with the lack of fiscal transparency. Yes were NOT married, but promises WERE made, and broken, and we need to be fiscally responsible...

Side note, her parents are not good with money, they should have never retired "early" because they obviously can't make ends meet, they can still work, but because daughter is helping out... they are in full :aintcare: mode.

If we decide to combine our fiscal lives, I don't know that I care for her supporting her parents... right now we can "afford it" but who knows what the future will bring, with our then giant mortgage etc. $1000+ a month is NOTHING to sneeze at, and the lack of fiscal transparency is Annoying.
I think its important to get this ironed out before you enter a marriage with her. Sorry. Just my feels. I wouldn't lean on a prenup to sort this all out because in the end many years from now you could be leaving a relationship with her because you can't figure this out, and the prenup doesn't save the emotional wreck from that.

Here's what I'd do. You can feel free to tune this part out if you want. Figure out your finances with the theoretical house and your two salaries figured in. Leave her parents out of it for now. You each get discretionary money. You use some on your vodka bar nights, thai hookers, and clown car. She uses some on her parents.

If she loses her job or whatever you guys either no longer support her parents, or if you really love her, sit down and re-figure the contribution amount at that time.

Point of this is. It means a lot to her, it's important to her, and she's contributing. So she can damn well do it if that's what she wants to blow cashola on. But it might mean a couple fewer nails and mimosa mornings with her girl friends.
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Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:17 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:00 pm :mindblown: I know...
Long story short, essentially the AZN likes to support her parents, but otherwise lives a very frugal lifestyle.
HOW MUCH she likes to support her parents is unknown to me, however, based on what I know about her savings, 6 figures are missing based on my :math:

We had a :nuke: like fight about this about a year ago prior to the engagement which caused her to have a :nuke: fight with her parents, and she PROMISED ME, that she would only support her parents to the tune of 1k a month tops. Now... that we have prop tax season around us... I found out that she is going to pay for the prop taxes (4k) obviously going over the "promised" 1k a month budget by at least 40%...

I don't control her finances, nor do I care to do so. But we had an agreement as to what our future budget looks like, we're also in full on :scrooge: mode savings for an impossibly expensive house at the moment, and this shit is starting to completely :triggered: me... because a PROMISE was broken.

What say ye? AT this point i am going to have a prenup conversation with her, because I am not comfortable with the lack of fiscal transparency. Yes were NOT married, but promises WERE made, and broken, and we need to be fiscally responsible...

Side note, her parents are not good with money, they should have never retired "early" because they obviously can't make ends meet, they can still work, but because daughter is helping out... they are in full :aintcare: mode.

If we decide to combine our fiscal lives, I don't know that I care for her supporting her parents... right now we can "afford it" but who knows what the future will bring, with our then giant mortgage etc. $1000+ a month is NOTHING to sneeze at, and the lack of fiscal transparency is Annoying.
I think its important to get this ironed out before you enter a marriage with her. Sorry. Just my feels. I wouldn't lean on a prenup to sort this all out because in the end many years from now you could be leaving a relationship with her because you can't figure this out, and the prenup doesn't save the emotional wreck from that.

Here's what I'd do. You can feel free to tune this part out if you want. Figure out your finances with the theoretical house and your two salaries figured in. Leave her parents out of it for now. You each get discretionary money. You use some on your vodka bar nights, thai hookers, and clown car. She uses some on her parents.

If she loses her job or whatever you guys either no longer support her parents, or if you really love her, sit down and re-figure the contribution amount at that time.

Point of this is. It means a lot to her, it's important to her, and she's contributing. So she can damn well do it if that's what she wants to blow cashola on. But it might mean a couple fewer nails and mimosa mornings with her girl friends.
I am 100% with you on this, and I was "ok" with the 1k a month support structure. That was the outcome of this EXACT talk from about a year ago when I first found out about this... since then... we got engaged... and now are planning on next steps... now she mentioned to me the whole property tax portion, which I am not ok with.

4k gets me 40 thai hookers, and it gets us 2 fucking trips to hawaii. I see this as a breaking of a promise... and I am not understanding how/why it happened, and it is leading me to trust her even less financially. Which is as you can imagine a really shitty place for someone who :math: 's for a living to be.
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dubshow wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:08 pm I 100% see your side on this. Even before marrying, finances should be ironed out and transparent. Everything should be transparent, really, but at the top of the list is money. Your plan was broken and thats the real issue.

I totally don'y get supporting her parents if they have a spending problem. Thats real :derp: but a hard conversation to have, indeed. Y'all both do well enough and it sounds like there is plenty of money floating around. You need to establish some real basic rules. I also don't believe in prenups and take a firm "if you NEED a prenup you arent ready to be married" approach. Im sure that stupid and #wrong. I was even told so by my dad.

Good luck at not destroying a relationshit over an impasse like this. :yikes:
Lisa brings in a hell of a lot less than I do. But she was totally up front with everything before the wedding. We pretty much align on spending habits, she tends to give more to charities and such than I would but that's minor really. We agreed that we'd talk about a big purchase or spend before we did it. Like, I have an assload of money to do whatever with, but if I want to go buy a new bike, I'll still call her at the shop and make sure it's alright with her. She'd do the same if she was going to buy a new pair of shoes.

Maybe excessive but it keeps us from surprising the other with a gigantic purchase. We're in the process of combining our finances. Everyone's approach will differ obviously.
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:21 pm
Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:17 pm

I think its important to get this ironed out before you enter a marriage with her. Sorry. Just my feels. I wouldn't lean on a prenup to sort this all out because in the end many years from now you could be leaving a relationship with her because you can't figure this out, and the prenup doesn't save the emotional wreck from that.

Here's what I'd do. You can feel free to tune this part out if you want. Figure out your finances with the theoretical house and your two salaries figured in. Leave her parents out of it for now. You each get discretionary money. You use some on your vodka bar nights, thai hookers, and clown car. She uses some on her parents.

If she loses her job or whatever you guys either no longer support her parents, or if you really love her, sit down and re-figure the contribution amount at that time.

Point of this is. It means a lot to her, it's important to her, and she's contributing. So she can damn well do it if that's what she wants to blow cashola on. But it might mean a couple fewer nails and mimosa mornings with her girl friends.
I am 100% with you on this, and I was "ok" with the 1k a month support structure. That was the outcome of this EXACT talk from about a year ago when I first found out about this... since then... we got engaged... and now are planning on next steps... now she mentioned to me the whole property tax portion, which I am not ok with.

4k gets me 40 thai hookers, and it gets us 2 fucking trips to hawaii. I see this as a breaking of a promise... and I am not understanding how/why it happened, and it is leading me to trust her even less financially. Which is as you can imagine a really shitty place for someone who :math: 's for a living to be.
What if you spin it as she's spending her discretionary money? Like if she has $4k banked in the "bullshit I want to buy" account because she skipped a few club nights, didn't buy those new Jimmy Choo shoes or Chanel purse, and has been drinking mimosas with orange juice from concentrate and Mumm Napa instead of fresh squeezed and Dom Perignon then maybe it's not so bad?

Y'all just gotta be on the same page as to what the discretionary amounts are.
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dubshow wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:08 pm I 100% see your side on this. Even before marrying, finances should be ironed out and transparent. Everything should be transparent, really, but at the top of the list is money. Your plan was broken and thats the real issue.

I totally don'y get supporting her parents if they have a spending problem. Thats real :derp: but a hard conversation to have, indeed. Y'all both do well enough and it sounds like there is plenty of money floating around. You need to establish some real basic rules. I also don't believe in prenups and take a firm "if you NEED a prenup you arent ready to be married" approach. Im sure that stupid and #wrong. I was even told so by my dad.

Good luck at not destroying a relationshit over an impasse like this. :yikes:
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Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:26 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:21 pm

I am 100% with you on this, and I was "ok" with the 1k a month support structure. That was the outcome of this EXACT talk from about a year ago when I first found out about this... since then... we got engaged... and now are planning on next steps... now she mentioned to me the whole property tax portion, which I am not ok with.

4k gets me 40 thai hookers, and it gets us 2 fucking trips to hawaii. I see this as a breaking of a promise... and I am not understanding how/why it happened, and it is leading me to trust her even less financially. Which is as you can imagine a really shitty place for someone who :math: 's for a living to be.
What if you spin it as she's spending her discretionary money? Like if she has $4k banked in the "bullshit I want to buy" account because she skipped a few club nights, didn't buy those new Jimmy Choo shoes or Chanel purse, and has been drinking mimosas with orange juice from concentrate and Mumm Napa instead of fresh squeezed and Dom Perignon then maybe it's not so bad?

Y'all just gotta be on the same page as to what the discretionary amounts are.
We did just that... that's her "discretionary" and labeled it exactly as such. I get car shit she gets parents shit... but that budget just get blown up it seems.
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Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:17 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:00 pm :mindblown: I know...
Long story short, essentially the AZN likes to support her parents, but otherwise lives a very frugal lifestyle.
HOW MUCH she likes to support her parents is unknown to me, however, based on what I know about her savings, 6 figures are missing based on my :math:

We had a :nuke: like fight about this about a year ago prior to the engagement which caused her to have a :nuke: fight with her parents, and she PROMISED ME, that she would only support her parents to the tune of 1k a month tops. Now... that we have prop tax season around us... I found out that she is going to pay for the prop taxes (4k) obviously going over the "promised" 1k a month budget by at least 40%...

I don't control her finances, nor do I care to do so. But we had an agreement as to what our future budget looks like, we're also in full on :scrooge: mode savings for an impossibly expensive house at the moment, and this shit is starting to completely :triggered: me... because a PROMISE was broken.

What say ye? AT this point i am going to have a prenup conversation with her, because I am not comfortable with the lack of fiscal transparency. Yes were NOT married, but promises WERE made, and broken, and we need to be fiscally responsible...

Side note, her parents are not good with money, they should have never retired "early" because they obviously can't make ends meet, they can still work, but because daughter is helping out... they are in full :aintcare: mode.

If we decide to combine our fiscal lives, I don't know that I care for her supporting her parents... right now we can "afford it" but who knows what the future will bring, with our then giant mortgage etc. $1000+ a month is NOTHING to sneeze at, and the lack of fiscal transparency is Annoying.
I think its important to get this ironed out before you enter a marriage with her. Sorry. Just my feels. I wouldn't lean on a prenup to sort this all out because in the end many years from now you could be leaving a relationship with her because you can't figure this out, and the prenup doesn't save the emotional wreck from that.

Here's what I'd do. You can feel free to tune this part out if you want. Figure out your finances with the theoretical house and your two salaries figured in. Leave her parents out of it for now. You each get discretionary money. You use some on your vodka bar nights, thai hookers, and clown car. She uses some on her parents.

If she loses her job or whatever you guys either no longer support her parents, or if you really love her, sit down and re-figure the contribution amount at that time.

Point of this is. It means a lot to her, it's important to her, and she's contributing. So she can damn well do it if that's what she wants to blow cashola on. But it might mean a couple fewer nails and mimosa mornings with her girl friends.
This seems like great advice, not much to add. We still need to finalize our money talks but have talked and argued about it plenty already. Basically, our thinking is that we both have discretionary money... mine will mostly be spent on car shit, hers on house shit, nails, massages, dinners out with friends. All is cool if it's discussed and within our means.
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:29 pm
Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:26 pm

What if you spin it as she's spending her discretionary money? Like if she has $4k banked in the "bullshit I want to buy" account because she skipped a few club nights, didn't buy those new Jimmy Choo shoes or Chanel purse, and has been drinking mimosas with orange juice from concentrate and Mumm Napa instead of fresh squeezed and Dom Perignon then maybe it's not so bad?

Y'all just gotta be on the same page as to what the discretionary amounts are.
We did just that... that's her "discretionary" and labeled it exactly as such. I get car shit she gets parents shit... but that budget just get blown up it seems.
Then I don't know what to tell you my man other than add up all that was spent in that account and, if the math adds up like you think, tell her she's over the budget and have a real talk not blowing up at each other. Yelling will not help, getting her to stick to a budget will. Or she paid $4k prop tax and now she gets no parental money or discretionary money through the next few months or whatever. You know how to do this Mr. Finance.
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Current update :hibachi: is she thinks we discussed the prop taxes, as the total parental support figure... which has now creeped up to $1300... a month. She is looking for ways to reduce it. Ugh i guess we're close enough...
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:15 pm
dubshow wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:08 pm I 100% see your side on this. Even before marrying, finances should be ironed out and transparent. Everything should be transparent, really, but at the top of the list is money. Your plan was broken and thats the real issue.

I totally don'y get supporting her parents if they have a spending problem. Thats real :derp: but a hard conversation to have, indeed. Y'all both do well enough and it sounds like there is plenty of money floating around. You need to establish some real basic rules. I also don't believe in prenups and take a firm "if you NEED a prenup you arent ready to be married" approach. Im sure that stupid and #wrong. I was even told so by my dad.

Good luck at not destroying a relationshit over an impasse like this. :yikes:
Yea it is a total shitshow, we never really had detailed money talk... up until that point, because we helped eachother 100% with job searches etc. So we knew each others spending habits... on cars/housing etc.

But I was just sort of shocked to find out she was paying off her parents major debt... I just never expected it... she pulls in more money than me, for now which I know is :unicorn: for the most part. But I am not sure that will always be the case. I mean this is a serious issue that already resulted in a big ol fight from my end and her finally realizing she has been had.

That said... this is NEW NEWS as of last night... I got my prop tax bill, bitched to her about it... found out she is covering off her Rent's... and was too tired after fixing a broken fridge last night... to have that fight. Yes I disassembled my fking kitchen fridge and replaced 2 temp senors and a heating element to save money because :scrooge:
This may be the most fucked up thing in this thread.

Now that we have that out of the way, my approach would be as follows:

I think it is key to discuss with her that marriage is many things, but one of them is established financial goals. Without putting too fine a point on it, the faster you reach those goals, the better. This sounds like a heroin problem......it may not get better without some serious intervention. In the current scenario, you are saving for a piece of the rock.....so by her dumping $$$ in the parent trap, you both have to pull longer on the oar to reach this goal........that's ok in a single scenario......but over a lifetime? Fk. that. And you should tell her hey, I need to get this figured out in an acceptable fashion before we get married....we made a deal, and what happened? I like your focus on the broken promise of an agreement............trust issue essentially. Women should be able to relate to that.

Random thoughts......
1. How MUCH more does she make that you. Enough that sloughing 20 grand off on her parents every year still means she's pulling more than you? Or is it closer than that? At a certain point, you're :waxer: and you get to go do things and take no shit for them.
2. Is there a RESOLUTION to this problem? Like, are these people just going to be broke af forever, or can modifications be made to become self-sustaining. TBH, I'd rather take a round of .45 ACP in the head than ask my kid for money......what the fuck is wrong with them?
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Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:42 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:15 pm

Yea it is a total shitshow, we never really had detailed money talk... up until that point, because we helped eachother 100% with job searches etc. So we knew each others spending habits... on cars/housing etc.

But I was just sort of shocked to find out she was paying off her parents major debt... I just never expected it... she pulls in more money than me, for now which I know is :unicorn: for the most part. But I am not sure that will always be the case. I mean this is a serious issue that already resulted in a big ol fight from my end and her finally realizing she has been had.

That said... this is NEW NEWS as of last night... I got my prop tax bill, bitched to her about it... found out she is covering off her Rent's... and was too tired after fixing a broken fridge last night... to have that fight. Yes I disassembled my fking kitchen fridge and replaced 2 temp senors and a heating element to save money because :scrooge:
This may be the most fucked up thing in this thread.

Now that we have that out of the way, my approach would be as follows:

I think it is key to discuss with her that marriage is many things, but one of them is established financial goals. Without putting too fine a point on it, the faster you reach those goals, the better. This sounds like a heroin problem......it may not get better without some serious intervention. In the current scenario, you are saving for a piece of the rock.....so by her dumping $$$ in the parent trap, you both have to pull longer on the oar to reach this goal........that's ok in a single scenario......but over a lifetime? Fk. that. And you should tell her hey, I need to get this figured out in an acceptable fashion before we get married....we made a deal, and what happened? I like your focus on the broken promise of an agreement............trust issue essentially. Women should be able to relate to that.

Random thoughts......
1. How MUCH more does she make that you. Enough that sloughing 20 grand off on her parents every year still means she's pulling more than you? Or is it closer than that? At a certain point, you're :waxer: and you get to go do things and take no shit for them.
2. Is there a RESOLUTION to this problem? Like, are these people just going to be broke af forever, or can modifications be made to become self-sustaining. TBH, I'd rather take a round of .45 ACP in the head than ask my kid for money......what the fuck is wrong with them?
I don't know... she helped them out to the tune of XXXk based on my :math:

She is currently making about 20k a year more than me, so right around that amount post tax. Yet I have 4x her savings. and she has made more her entire life, and lets just say I blew a bunch of money on cars and "friends" and travel :bs:
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:50 pm
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:42 pm

This may be the most fucked up thing in this thread.

Now that we have that out of the way, my approach would be as follows:

I think it is key to discuss with her that marriage is many things, but one of them is established financial goals. Without putting too fine a point on it, the faster you reach those goals, the better. This sounds like a heroin problem......it may not get better without some serious intervention. In the current scenario, you are saving for a piece of the rock.....so by her dumping $$$ in the parent trap, you both have to pull longer on the oar to reach this goal........that's ok in a single scenario......but over a lifetime? Fk. that. And you should tell her hey, I need to get this figured out in an acceptable fashion before we get married....we made a deal, and what happened? I like your focus on the broken promise of an agreement............trust issue essentially. Women should be able to relate to that.

Random thoughts......
1. How MUCH more does she make that you. Enough that sloughing 20 grand off on her parents every year still means she's pulling more than you? Or is it closer than that? At a certain point, you're :waxer: and you get to go do things and take no shit for them.
2. Is there a RESOLUTION to this problem? Like, are these people just going to be broke af forever, or can modifications be made to become self-sustaining. TBH, I'd rather take a round of .45 ACP in the head than ask my kid for money......what the fuck is wrong with them?
I don't know... she helped them out to the tune of XXXk based on my :math:

She is currently making about 20k a year more than me, so right around that amount post tax. Yet I have 4x her savings. and she has made more her entire life, and lets just say I blew a bunch of money on cars and "friends" and travel :bs:
I think you're looking at a major culprit. That and she probably paid an appliance guy on her busted fridge.
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Johnny_P wrote: Thu Feb 09, 2023 3:21 pm Earn it and burn it, Val.
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Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:54 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:50 pm
I don't know... she helped them out to the tune of XXXk based on my :math:

She is currently making about 20k a year more than me, so right around that amount post tax. Yet I have 4x her savings. and she has made more her entire life, and lets just say I blew a bunch of money on cars and "friends" and travel :bs:
I think you're looking at a major culprit. That and she probably paid an appliance guy on her busted fridge.
I didn't get where I got by not doing my own oil changes, laying my own floors, tearing out my own bathrooms, and fixing my own fridge.
If I can do it I won't pay someone else to do it for me. That's :wasteful:
My savings were also bolstered by significant investment gains in stock. Cash for cash I am about double. She doesn't believe in stocks and has a more old school cash under the pillow or in her parents account approach. :disgust:
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Lots of good stuff in this thread.


My short 2 cents.... Write down the agreement now, new or old. If broken in 6 months :nope: before marriage.

And, it seems you have a very different fundemental valve system. Consider :nope: if this will always be a sticking point.

Also disagree with dub here, with as much as houses cost in commie fornia (and it sounds like dispite making less money you will be bringing more to the down payment and payment.. ) 100% get a fucking prenup.
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Big Brain Bradley wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:36 pm Lots of good stuff in this thread.


My short 2 cents.... Write down the agreement now, new or old. If broken in 6 months :nope: before marriage.

And, it seems you have a very different fundemental valve system. Consider :nope: if this will always be a sticking point.

Also disagree with dub here, with as much as houses cost in commie fornia (and it sounds like dispite making less money you will be bringing more to the down payment and payment.. ) 100% get a fucking prenup.
Actually looked into this piece, according to cali, everything you had BEFORE marriage is yours, and everything post marriage is "ours" so... I could get spousal support since I make less money... dat equality life.

I spent a few hours over beers with my buddy who spent 15k on pre nup shit dividing the -50k in assets he had and the 200k she had...
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Since I try to be as anti :hibachi: as possible... I have a figure in mind with how much the AZN needs to have saved by march... and if she ain't there something is gonna go full :nuke:
We talked over the details and she is going to make a G doc for me with all line items listed including the total. She also expects to reduce this amount going forward... Overall :notbad: outcome... still a :disgust: talk to have.
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:56 pm
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:54 pm

I think you're looking at a major culprit. That and she probably paid an appliance guy on her busted fridge.
I didn't get where I got by not doing my own oil changes, laying my own floors, tearing out my own bathrooms, and fixing my own fridge.
If I can do it I won't pay someone else to do it for me. That's :wasteful:
My savings were also bolstered by significant investment gains in stock. Cash for cash I am about double. She doesn't believe in stocks and has a more old school cash under the pillow or in her parents account approach. :disgust:
Fun useless fact: I have never changed my own oil.
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Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:06 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 6:56 pm
I didn't get where I got by not doing my own oil changes, laying my own floors, tearing out my own bathrooms, and fixing my own fridge.
If I can do it I won't pay someone else to do it for me. That's :wasteful:
My savings were also bolstered by significant investment gains in stock. Cash for cash I am about double. She doesn't believe in stocks and has a more old school cash under the pillow or in her parents account approach. :disgust:
Fun useless fact: I have never changed my own oil.
:millennial:

Fun fact I have personally done 35 oil changes on the crown vic
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:55 pm Since I try to be as anti :hibachi: as possible... I have a figure in mind with how much the AZN needs to have saved by march... and if she ain't there something is gonna go full :nuke:
We talked over the details and she is going to make a G doc for me with all line items listed including the total. She also expects to reduce this amount going forward... Overall :notbad: outcome... still a :disgust: talk to have.
It’s the going forward part that’s the issue. When she gets the sobbing call from her parents that they can’t pay for X and need help. And you’re writing a check to them for $10k.

Desert had a good question. Why can’t they go make their own money. She needs to have a real talk with them about how much she can support them. Because the purse is wide open right meow.
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Johnny_P wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:08 pm
max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:55 pm Since I try to be as anti :hibachi: as possible... I have a figure in mind with how much the AZN needs to have saved by march... and if she ain't there something is gonna go full :nuke:
We talked over the details and she is going to make a G doc for me with all line items listed including the total. She also expects to reduce this amount going forward... Overall :notbad: outcome... still a :disgust: talk to have.
It’s the going forward part that’s the issue. When she gets the sobbing call from her parents that they can’t pay for X and need help. And you’re writing a check to them for $10k.

Desert had a good question. Why can’t they go make their own money. She needs to have a real talk with them about how much she can support them. Because the purse is wide open right meow.
She had that talk when she bailed em out a few years ago... Now its way more structured... but still too high for my liking.

They are older (70s) need to work.. she said she will have further talks with them about said sitch...
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I have nothing to add that other's haven't already except Jimmy choo shoes are old news for like the last 3 years.
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max225 wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:42 pm
Big Brain Bradley wrote: Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:36 pm Lots of good stuff in this thread.


My short 2 cents.... Write down the agreement now, new or old. If broken in 6 months :nope: before marriage.

And, it seems you have a very different fundemental valve system. Consider :nope: if this will always be a sticking point.

Also disagree with dub here, with as much as houses cost in commie fornia (and it sounds like dispite making less money you will be bringing more to the down payment and payment.. ) 100% get a fucking prenup.
Actually looked into this piece, according to cali, everything you had BEFORE marriage is yours, and everything post marriage is "ours" so... I could get spousal support since I make less money... dat equality life.

I spent a few hours over beers with my buddy who spent 15k on pre nup shit dividing the -50k in assets he had and the 200k she had...
The fact you are talking a divorce :nuke: scenario reinforces my point.

Man, that's just :wtf:

Brad can disagree with me all he wants, the right lawyer in Cali land will skull fuck anyone. Why at the extra layer of animosity of a prenup? I double down on the question why are you getting married? You don't have to tell the DFD court. You need to ask each other that. You clearly love her. You don't have to approve her actions. But you are getting the rare chance to see your future.
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