The Relationship Thread

[ChrisoftheNorth]

I told my wife she should volunteer yesterday. Nope. Excuse city.

I'd love to bring up the "So you have time to protest, but don't have time to:

- Wash your own dishes from cooking meals for yourself during the day
- Fill the soap containers when they get empty
- Clean the stovetop when YOU get it dirty
- Fold your laundry in a timely manner
- Vacuum your car
- Help me with yardwork"

All the stupid little shit piles up.

[goIftdibrad]

I told my wife she should volunteer yesterday. Nope. Excuse city.

I'd love to bring up the "So you have time to protest, but don't have time to:

- Wash your own dishes from cooking meals for yourself during the day
- Fill the soap containers when they get empty
- Clean the stovetop when YOU get it dirty
- Fold your laundry in a timely manner
- Vacuum your car
- Help me with yardwork"

All the stupid little shit piles up.

that pent up BS is relationship poison.

Perhaps its time to set some chore expectations, for both of you.

[lagunasecaballs]

"Hey would you mind refilling the soap?"

Would that be effective?

[ChrisoftheNorth]

that pent up BS is relationship poison.

Perhaps its time to set some chore expectations, for both of you.

Wife and I did these things called Love Language Profiles. Totally cheesy but actually really insightful. We were trying to communicate and show our love in contradictory ways, now we understand how to show the other one love and it's really helped our marriage a ton. Takes like 20 minutes.

Woa, link?

[goIftdibrad]

that pent up BS is relationship poison.

Perhaps its time to set some chore expectations, for both of you.

Oh we've tried that discussion. Never ends well.

For some reason I unofficially have tasks that are things that apparently only I am to do and she can't be bothered to ever do them. I don't get it.

Right now I'm seeing what she does when the soap dispenser in the bathroom just sits without soap. There's a full thing of soap in in the cabinet under the sink. This isn't fucking rocket science here.

Man, dont do that shit, it will just continue to eat at you. Do the thing is talking about.

[ChrisoftheNorth]

"Hey would you mind refilling the soap?"

Would that be effective?

Communication is a two-way street. Wife with me if I leave a pan on the stove. Sorry, I was running late and couldn't clean it immediately after use. A simple "hey clean the pan" would work better than

[ChrisoftheNorth]

Oh we've tried that discussion. Never ends well.

For some reason I unofficially have tasks that are things that apparently only I am to do and she can't be bothered to ever do them. I don't get it.

Right now I'm seeing what she does when the soap dispenser in the bathroom just sits without soap. There's a full thing of soap in in the cabinet under the sink. This isn't fucking rocket science here.

Man, dont do that shit, it will just continue to eat at you. Do the thing is talking about.

sounds 5/7.

[ChrisoftheNorth]

Woa, link?

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

We just did the tests, talked about it, and sent our profiles to each other so we can remind ourselves. We didn't buy the book or anything.

I read Jul's profile every couple months to keep me focused on it.

Will do this with Infamous.

[Desertbreh]

I told my wife she should volunteer yesterday. Nope. Excuse city.

I'd love to bring up the "So you have time to protest, but don't have time to:

- Wash your own dishes from cooking meals for yourself during the day
- Fill the soap containers when they get empty
- Clean the stovetop when YOU get it dirty
- Fold your laundry in a timely manner
- Vacuum your car
- Help me with yardwork"

All the stupid little shit piles up.

Z, let's be honest about the one that really bothers you.

[Desertbreh]

"Hey would you mind refilling the soap?"

Would that be effective?

[ChrisoftheNorth]

Will do this with Infamous.

I seriously recommend it.

She got a 0 on receiving gifts while I had been buying her expensive and amazing stuff for years because I thought that's what she wanted. Nope, she was just acting surprised and thrilled because of the effort I put in, had no fucks given about the stuff.

Really cool insights like that.

This is super valuable info for a relationship, I think.

Granted Infamous is pretty vocal about what she wants/needs...I do suspect this will reveal more I wasn't aware of.

[goIftdibrad]

"Hey would you mind refilling the soap?"

Would that be effective?

Tried it. She forgets/doesn't notice/I don't fucking know what goes through her head.

If the soap dispenser is spitting bubbles, common sense should dicate that one refills it, no?

everyone has their things that annoy the fuck out you

A big one for me its leaving the door(s) open to the outside. The woman has some things she hates too, most of its NBD to me so i just do it, but we had a pretty serious fight one day about the doors. basically came down to ' i do a million little thing that annoy you and i try to change and not do them. You can close the fucking door because it annoys me'

I mean, can we afford the 20-50 bucks extra on the electric bill? sure. But sometimes thats not the point.

[Desertbreh]

Will do this with Infamous.

I seriously recommend it.

She got a 0 on receiving gifts while I had been buying her expensive and amazing stuff for years because I thought that's what she wanted. Nope, she was just acting surprised and thrilled because of the effort I put in, had no fucks given about the stuff.

Really cool insights like that.

So just toss a box of Junior Mints under the tree this year and call it good?

[ChrisoftheNorth]

Communication is a two-way street. Wife with me if I leave a pan on the stove. Sorry, I was running late and couldn't clean it immediately after use. A simple "hey clean the pan" would work better than

Thing is, I do this. I make a small requests like "please clean your pan" or "please clean your dishes."

They end up getting put in the sink, they pile up, and eventually get in the way of me washing things, so I just end up washing them anyway at some point.

And then when it reaches that point I give her a sarcastic thanks for leaving the dishes in the sink.

[Desertbreh]

I told my wife she should volunteer yesterday. Nope. Excuse city.

I'd love to bring up the "So you have time to protest, but don't have time to:

- Wash your own dishes from cooking meals for yourself during the day
- Fill the soap containers when they get empty
- Clean the stovetop when YOU get it dirty
- Fold your laundry in a timely manner
- Vacuum your car
- Help me with yardwork"

All the stupid little shit piles up.

Outside looking in.

Soap Container issue is infrequent enough that you can just do it.
Stovetop. Do you guys ever just "clean house?" There are people out there who don't feel the need to wipe the stovetop after every freaking use. Every few days maybe?
Need more info on the laundry. How does this negatively impact you?
Vaccum your car: Possibly OCD Zilbro issue?
Help with Yardwork: Such as? You do rent, yes?
Dishes in the Sink: Advantage Z. Every human has an obligation to clean their dishes after use, IMHO.

[Melon]

Dat Franklin doe.

I'm sure he was a fine fellah to have a brew with.

"Hey would you mind refilling the soap?"

Would that be effective?

Tried it. She forgets/doesn't notice/I don't fucking know what goes through her head.

If the soap dispenser is spitting bubbles, common sense should dicate that one refills it, no?

Yeah man, I've been down that road. It ain't getting done, and you'll only get lead to frustration.
You have to accept that those tasks previously mentioned will be yours, or ask her to help.

Jessi is kind of like this, I have no idea why she is, to me she appears lazy, IDK.
So, she's a slob, but she makes up for it in many other ways, so it's a game of balance.
Anyone else would have been long gone because their personality sucked, her's doesn't she's just not a go-getter.

You got to vent those frustrations
Communication is key. Jessi and I always talk about the things that piss each other off.

[Desertbreh]

Dat Franklin doe.

I'm sure he was a fine fellah to have a brew with.

Tried it. She forgets/doesn't notice/I don't fucking know what goes through her head.

If the soap dispenser is spitting bubbles, common sense should dicate that one refills it, no?

Yeah man, I've been down that road. It ain't getting done, and you'll only get lead to frustration.
You have to accept that those tasks previously mentioned will be yours, or ask her to help.

Jessi is kind of like this, I have no idea why she is, to me she appears lazy, IDK.
So, she's a slob, but she makes up for it in many other ways, so it's a game of balance.
Anyone else would have been long gone because their personality sucked, her's doesn't she's just not a go-getter.

You got to vent those frustrations
Communication is key. Jessi and I always talk about the things that piss each other off.

Yeah Z. People who are firing on all cylinders take the good and the bad and are in love with the balance.
While obvi none of my business other than concern for your well being, this is not the first time we've heard about this sort of stuff and focusing
on it is the road to perdition for any relationship. Ask me how I know, LOL.

[troyguitar]

Get this OT shit out of the politics thread, I'm fucking tired of it.

[Melon]

Get this OT shit out of the politics thread, I'm fucking tired of it.

Troy haz a point.

Fuck Trump.

Yeah Z. People who are firing on all cylinders take the good and the bad and are in love with the balance.
While obvi none of my business other than concern for your well being, this is not the first time we've heard about this sort of stuff and focusing
on it is the road to perdition for any relationship. Ask me how I know, LOL.

Yeah, no shit.

I need a third party to disclose my frustrations at this point because me telling her has no influence.

I really have no interest in buying a house any longer thanks to all of this.

You got my # man.

[goIftdibrad]

Outside looking in.

Soap Container issue is infrequent enough that you can just do it.
Stovetop. Do you guys ever just "clean house?" There are people out there who don't feel the need to wipe the stovetop after every freaking use. Every few days maybe?
Need more info on the laundry. How does this negatively impact you?
Vaccum your car: Possibly OCD Zilbro issue?
Help with Yardwork: Such as? You do rent, yes?
Dishes in the Sink: Advantage Z. Every human has an obligation to clean their dishes after use, IMHO.

Soap container is EVERY FUCKING TIME. She'll let it get down until it spits bubbles and then I don't know what she does. Maybe she just stops using the soap. I've tried asking. It just gets ignored.

Stovetop is a glass cooktop and needs to be cleaned after every use or it just gets baked into a crispy patina after a few heat cycles, and that's not easy to clean off. I've communicated this to her.

Laundry, she ends up with 2-3 baskets of clean unfolded laundry, or a dryer full of laundry - and then it's a challenge for me to do my own laundry. No, I'm not doing it for her. She doesn't like the way I fold clothes, so we agreed to do our own laundry.

Vacuum the car. Not really an OCD issue - but when I get in her car and it hasn't been vacuumed in 3 months and there's a cloud of dog hair swirling about, that's fucking disgusting. Take some pride in your shit!

Yardwork. So, you're saying that because we rent we shouldn't keep the yard tidy? Fuck off with that mentality. Sometimes it'd be nice to have a little help raking leaves, cleaning up the yard seasonally. I'm not asking her to mow the grass or anything, but sometimes some stuff is just easier with two people.

One of the reasons i added an extra 2' to the width of the house (and many $$) was so i could have a separate vanity from the wife. Separate toothpaste, soap, her shit cant leak over to my side, etc.

[Desertbreh]

Outside looking in.

Soap Container issue is infrequent enough that you can just do it.
Stovetop. Do you guys ever just "clean house?" There are people out there who don't feel the need to wipe the stovetop after every freaking use. Every few days maybe?
Need more info on the laundry. How does this negatively impact you?
Vaccum your car: Possibly OCD Zilbro issue?
Help with Yardwork: Such as? You do rent, yes?
Dishes in the Sink: Advantage Z. Every human has an obligation to clean their dishes after use, IMHO.

Soap container is EVERY FUCKING TIME. She'll let it get down until it spits bubbles and then I don't know what she does. Maybe she just stops using the soap. I've tried asking. It just gets ignored.

Stovetop is a glass cooktop and needs to be cleaned after every use or it just gets baked into a crispy patina after a few heat cycles, and that's not easy to clean off. I've communicated this to her.

Laundry, she ends up with 2-3 baskets of clean unfolded laundry, or a dryer full of laundry - and then it's a challenge for me to do my own laundry. No, I'm not doing it for her. She doesn't like the way I fold clothes, so we agreed to do our own laundry.

Vacuum the car. Not really an OCD issue - but when I get in her car and it hasn't been vacuumed in 3 months and there's a cloud of dog hair swirling about, that's fucking disgusting. Take some pride in your shit!

Yardwork. So, you're saying that because we rent we shouldn't keep the yard tidy? Fuck off with that mentality. Sometimes it'd be nice to have a little help raking leaves, cleaning up the yard seasonally. I'm not asking her to mow the grass or anything, but sometimes some stuff is just easier with two people.

Sounds like there is a global sense that she's not contributing. If I were you I would examine your discontent in all phases, do some soul searching about some things you could improve on as well so you're bringing something to the table, and have a sit down. Otherwise this will get unfixable and lead to splitsville or, even worse, prolonged misery. Every day that goes by that you don't deal with it is a lost day.

[goIftdibrad]

Yeah, no shit.

I need a third party to disclose my frustrations at this point because me telling her has no influence.

I really have no interest in buying a house any longer thanks to all of this.

Yea, I had some of those feels to man:(

So far doe, shes been keeping house thumper clean. I know its only a week, but i have not tripped over shoes once.

Get this OT shit out of the politics thread, I'm fucking tired of it.

you're a towel

[goIftdibrad]

As it's popping into political threads, this could be useful.

I suggest everyone does this with their significant other:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Really interesting and helpful. Its cheesy but give it an open mind.

[goIftdibrad]

Relationship thread created in the mudroom.

And now I'll move this shit to that thread.

[goIftdibrad]

I'm gonna disgust you right into a good marriage and threeways.