So cozy up, criss cross apple sauce on the story rug. Most of these I black out and forget in an effort to convince myself on a weekly basis to keep doing this for a living. So I'm happy to entertain you all on Sunday mornings with tales from the night before, before I block them out.
We are in the thick of it right now, September and October are the busiest wedding months of the year in the Midwest. But stories just from last season and this one include naked pictures of a bride, a married maid of honor getting caught hooking up with someone else's boyfriend, the totaled Veloster and now, last nights shenanigans:
A "barn" wedding, I.E a converted barn out in rural parts of Indiana that have gained popularity thanks to Pinterest.
The couple had been a dream since day 1 (always a telling jinxing factor) She contracted me over a year ago. I had maybe a dozen emails from her since? Crazy easy, super organized, genuinely enjoyed working with her.
Enter the "bullfrogs." Because it was a barn wedding and most of these venues have NO idea what they are doing, the liquor rules can be lax.
This couple provided a mixed drink at the bar called a bullfrog:
A liter of Mountain Dew
- empty out a judged amount.
- refill that amount with vodka, doesn't matter what kind.
- add red koolaid packet.
Enjoy irresponsibly poured right from the liter.
They had run out of this concoction before cocktail hour was even over. (My thought was Thank God.) but no worries, all of this supplies can be bought at the convenience store up the road. Groomsmen proceeded to replenish.
By 8:30, I had cut off all liquor period, including this nightmare "cocktail." The wedding guests were absolutely trashed.
The DJ ends up shutting things down at 9:30 when last call is made (I allowed the coors light keg to continue) because it was totally pointless. At 9:40, as my team is packing up our gear, a bridesmaid comes running at me in tears. There are SIX fist fights breaking out on the lawn of the property. A some 20 people involved.
We do the typical "break it up, go home, or I'm calling the cops." They separate but due to one plastered bridesmaid who won't stop clawing, they break back into fist fights three times. At this point I gave in and called the cops to come break it up.
They show up in force, block everyone in, take everyone's IDs and separate the issue. At one point I turn around and one cop has his flashlight over a bartender's hands asking her why they are stained entirely red. Koolaid, because koolaid.
I have not yet heard how it ended up. When I finally got my sober team out of there after waiting for 50 minutes for the cops to move from the only exit out of the place, when we had worked a 17 hour day, the one drunken problem bridesmaid had been told three times to get out of the cops face or he was going to be her ride.
What was it all over? Drunken bridesmaid boyfriend had dated one of the bartenders when he was 15.
Can't make this shit up.
Until next week....
puts away? Like that shit is water. Like water when there is no water and you are the thirstiest you've even been in the midwest, ever.
