The Sno Show - Tales of Wedding Fuckery

Off-topic? You mean on-topic!
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:popcorn:

Looking forward to Tales from the Crypt: An in person reading at bunch the day after.
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Sno wrote: Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:11 pm Next weekends bride in Austin, TX. You guys... it’s happening again...

At least she’s going to the damn doctor.


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those are 1st trimester issues, likelihood of wedding birth is minimal. Far from first woman in history to walk down the aisle pregnant.
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Sno wrote: Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:11 pm Next weekends bride in Austin, TX. You guys... it’s happening again...

At least she’s going to the damn doctor.


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:ohdang:

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Apex wrote: Mon Nov 06, 2017 9:28 pmCorey's fucked.
Yes. Something about that cat looks like he might be part of the problem though.
Detroit wrote:Buy 911s instead of diamonds.
Johnny_P wrote: Thu Feb 09, 2023 3:21 pm Earn it and burn it, Val.
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This bread delivers

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Desertbreh wrote: Thu Oct 17, 2019 3:05 pm DFD. The forum where everybody makes the same choices and then tells anybody trying to join the club that they are the stupidest motherfucker to ever walk the earth.
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[user not found] wrote: Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:37 pm
razr390 wrote:This bread delivers

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What kind of bread?
Pumpernickel.
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Anything new on this front?

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The panda hath arrived.
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Jaxper wrote:Anything new on this front?

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Just saw this, we had two weeks off so things have been quiet lately as we finally get a chance to breathe.

Grab a morning coffee, tales is lengthy this morning.

Back at it yesterday and I am so dead today. Absolutely everything hurts. I went from 6:30 am yesterday morning to 6:30 pm without sitting down other than to drive. And even at 6:30, it was ten minutes to put food in my face. Home at 1:00 am.

350 person wedding for a pretty prominent family in our area. I was really thrilled to land this one. This is the type of family that will tell all of their rich friends who to hire. And they all have kids entering the marrying age. I’m really confident about how it turned out. I could truly make a full event season purely out of these people. Vice President Pence’s brother was in attendance. He’s a regular in our town, we see him out to dinner pretty frequently. Thankful to not have to deal with secret service, doe.

On to the chaos...
Last night’s caterer is a notorious pain in the ass. He owns a good (but overpriced) restaurant in town. He is also the one responsible for running the venue I’ve recently partnered on to bring back from him running it into the ground.

There are a few things you need to know for this whole story to make sense:
- most event venues have catering kitchens. These are commercial grade but not full service. Meaning food needs to arrived cooked. They are basically rooms with large warmers, large refrigerators and some industrial sinks. Food is cooked off site then transported in hot boxes. (At some point we will discuss the delicate timeline of the last possible second food can be presented in front of a guest based on when it entered a hot box, how long it took to travel, health code regulations and the juggle of weddings that rarely run on time.)
-because this caterer is no longer running a venue, the only staff he has is his restaurant staff. The family paid $5,000 just to shut down the restaurant on a Saturday night so that he had enough staff to cater this 350 person wedding.
-we have a history. We are fine, and work well together, but he never fails to fuck me. When I was still a venue coordinator at a local venue, one of the first events he did, because the venue had a catering kitchen, he decided to bring in fryers to fresh fry fried chicken on site. He was told no multiple times and did it any way. He lined up four of them in a hallway outside the kitchen and proceeded to destroy the drywall behind the fryers due to the grease.
The most recent fundraiser I worked with him on, he blew a breaker five times because he insisted on having four immersion tanks plugged in.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “Sno, if you were any type of planner, you would discuss these needs with him beforehand and plan accordingly.” Right. I would. If I could. His communication skills are why the venue he previously owned was ran into the ground. He will not return emails, refuses to finalize details in a timely manner and simply does whatever the fuck he wants on site.
Now I know what you’re thinking after that, “Sno, just stop using him.” Also right. Again, I would if I could. Columbus is a small town, we have limited options. And patrons of his restaurant love him. He is terrible at venue management but he excels at smoozing.
-He is cocky as fuck.

So on to last night. Because he is no longer running a venue, he had to rent a uhaul to get his food transported to the venue. He arrives on site and I immediately check in with him to make sure he has everything he needs. His team opens the back of the uhaul only to discover they did not properly secure a hotbox. The hotbox carrying the main beef entree has tipped in route and from what I can see, damn near all of it is all over the floor of the uhaul.
He turns around to ask me if the menu is printed any where. I respond “only on a place card at every table along with on the back of every program at the ceremony.”
I immediately start running numbers in my head. The family paid for 1.5 servings of beef for each person, I know this. So if he over packed (like any decent caterer should.) and we account for the extra serving per every two people already paid for, we’re a bit ahead. (The meal was served family style.) We also had a second entree of chicken... but substituting chicken with pizzas I might have to order isn’t going to look great...

He assures me he has it handled. At this point, I have to handle other small fires, walk away, and pray he can do his job.

We seem to be fine after inventory of what was lost. Not great, but fine. We proceed with dinner service. I walk into the kitchen mid salad course for the front of the house, entree course for back of the house. (Meaning guests are on salads, kitchen is in entrees in our schedule.) Half of the kitchen is completely dark.

He has blown a fucking breaker. Again. I still don’t even know what was plugged in excessively. It takes the venue 20 minutes to flip the breaker (there are notes here in reference to delicate serving timelines and not killing people. But we won’t get into it.)

At about 6:35, the “its all great!!” smile plastered to my face could have won an Oscar.

We got through it. The family knows nothing. And I might pack an emergency Xanax next time I have to work with this dick trap.

Pictures attached because it was actually a really gorgeous wedding and I️’m proud of it.
ImageImageImageImageImage


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Desertbreh wrote: Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:58 pm At the risk of being sucked into your wedding planner decorative vortex, that is kind of cute.
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Dang, what a tool that caterer is. It's a shame you're virtually forced to work with him. Hard to believe you can't find SOMEONE else in town who can do what he does. But I guess it's also his reputation that you can't replicate with someone else.
:wap: Where are these mangos?
Detroit wrote: Fri Apr 16, 2021 1:19 pm I don't understand anything anymore.
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I know someone we can send up there to leave bad Yelp! reviews.
4zilch wrote: Mon Apr 12, 2021 8:46 am I'm a fucking failure.
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Melon wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 9:59 am I know someone we can send up there to leave bad Yelp! reviews.
:crang: ?
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Sno wrote: Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:09 am
- The family paid $5,000 just to shut down the restaurant on a Saturday night so that he had enough staff to cater this 350 person wedding.

So on to last night. Because he is no longer running a venue, he had to rent a uhaul to get his food transported to the venue. He arrives on site and I immediately check in with him to make sure he has everything he needs. His team opens the back of the uhaul only to discover they did not properly secure a hotbox. The hotbox carrying the main beef entree has tipped in route and from what I can see, damn near all of it is all over the floor of the uhaul.
He turns around to ask me if the menu is printed any where. I respond “only on a place card at every table along with on the back of every program at the ceremony.”
I immediately start running numbers in my head. The family paid for 1.5 servings of beef for each person, I know this. So if he over packed (like any decent caterer should.) and we account for the extra serving per every two people already paid for, we’re a bit ahead. (The meal was served family style.) We also had a second entree of chicken... but substituting chicken with pizzas I might have to order isn’t going to look great...

He assures me he has it handled. At this point, I have to handle other small fires, walk away, and pray he can do his job.


He has blown a fucking breaker. Again. I still don’t even know what was plugged in excessively. It takes the venue 20 minutes to flip the breaker (there are notes here in reference to delicate serving timelines and not killing people. But we won’t get into it.)


We got through it. The family knows nothing. And I might pack an emergency Xanax next time I have to work with this dick trap.



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that cake looks delicious.

5k just to allow carter to close.....so this was a 30k+ wedding. Fuck. a. duck.

But hey, great job keeping it together and not needing a rescue from the wallmart deli.

also drugs are bad, mkay
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Big Brain Bradley wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:37 am
Sno wrote: Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:09 am
- The family paid $5,000 just to shut down the restaurant on a Saturday night so that he had enough staff to cater this 350 person wedding.

So on to last night. Because he is no longer running a venue, he had to rent a uhaul to get his food transported to the venue. He arrives on site and I immediately check in with him to make sure he has everything he needs. His team opens the back of the uhaul only to discover they did not properly secure a hotbox. The hotbox carrying the main beef entree has tipped in route and from what I can see, damn near all of it is all over the floor of the uhaul.
He turns around to ask me if the menu is printed any where. I respond “only on a place card at every table along with on the back of every program at the ceremony.”
I immediately start running numbers in my head. The family paid for 1.5 servings of beef for each person, I know this. So if he over packed (like any decent caterer should.) and we account for the extra serving per every two people already paid for, we’re a bit ahead. (The meal was served family style.) We also had a second entree of chicken... but substituting chicken with pizzas I might have to order isn’t going to look great...

He assures me he has it handled. At this point, I have to handle other small fires, walk away, and pray he can do his job.


He has blown a fucking breaker. Again. I still don’t even know what was plugged in excessively. It takes the venue 20 minutes to flip the breaker (there are notes here in reference to delicate serving timelines and not killing people. But we won’t get into it.)


We got through it. The family knows nothing. And I might pack an emergency Xanax next time I have to work with this dick trap.



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that cake looks delicious.

5k just to allow carter to close.....so this was a 30k+ wedding. Fuck. a. duck.

But hey, great job keeping it together and not needing a rescue from the wallmart deli.

also drugs are bad, mkay
At least. I'd put it closer to 50k. Florals were $10k plus. Venue was at least $7k. I know what my cost is. But it was pretty.
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:58 pm At the risk of being sucked into your wedding planner decorative vortex, that is kind of cute.
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Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:11 am
Big Brain Bradley wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:37 am

that cake looks delicious.

5k just to allow carter to close.....so this was a 30k+ wedding. Fuck. a. duck.

But hey, great job keeping it together and not needing a rescue from the wallmart deli.

also drugs are bad, mkay
At least. I'd put it closer to 50k. Florals were $10k plus. Venue was at least $7k. I know what my cost is. But it was pretty.
Could have eloped in a new Porsche. And the next day......the Porsche is still there.
Detroit wrote:Buy 911s instead of diamonds.
Johnny_P wrote: Thu Feb 09, 2023 3:21 pm Earn it and burn it, Val.
max225 wrote: Mon May 01, 2023 5:35 pm Yes it's a cool car. But prepare the lube/sawdust.
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Apex wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:03 am
Melon wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 9:59 am I know someone we can send up there to leave bad Yelp! reviews.
:crang: ?
:like:
:lolol:
:wap: Where are these mangos?
Detroit wrote: Fri Apr 16, 2021 1:19 pm I don't understand anything anymore.
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Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:06 pm
Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:11 am

At least. I'd put it closer to 50k. Florals were $10k plus. Venue was at least $7k. I know what my cost is. But it was pretty.
Could have eloped in a new Porsche. And the next day......the Porsche is still there.
:gtfo: :triggered:
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:58 pm At the risk of being sucked into your wedding planner decorative vortex, that is kind of cute.
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Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:20 pm
Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 1:06 pm

Could have eloped in a new Porsche. And the next day......the Porsche is still there.
:gtfo: :triggered:
It does do a bit of damage to your business model.
Detroit wrote:Buy 911s instead of diamonds.
Johnny_P wrote: Thu Feb 09, 2023 3:21 pm Earn it and burn it, Val.
max225 wrote: Mon May 01, 2023 5:35 pm Yes it's a cool car. But prepare the lube/sawdust.
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Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:29 pm
Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:20 pm
:gtfo: :triggered:
It does do a bit of damage to your business model.
She should hire a :dillerman: to assist with eloping consultations.

Add a brand new model to her business.
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Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:29 pm
Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:20 pm
:gtfo: :triggered:
It does do a bit of damage to your business model.
:lolgasm:
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Apex wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:49 pm
Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:29 pm

It does do a bit of damage to your business model.
She should hire a :dillerman: to assist with eloping consultations.

Add a brand new model to her business.
I mean, our prices don’t change based on guest count. Next weekend’s guest list of 29 paid the same as the guest count for last weekend at 350. A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. And elopements at least frequently include destinations.

They’re just usually done to avoid dealing with everything they’d be paying me to deal with.
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:58 pm At the risk of being sucked into your wedding planner decorative vortex, that is kind of cute.
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Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:00 pm
Apex wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 2:49 pm

She should hire a :dillerman: to assist with eloping consultations.

Add a brand new model to her business.
I mean, our prices don’t change based on guest count. Next weekend’s guest list of 29 paid the same as the guest count for last weekend at 350. A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. And elopements at least frequently include destinations.

They’re just usually done to avoid dealing with everything they’d be paying me to deal with.
I am in no way taking any shots at you. Just curious. Don't you have to do a helluva lot more work for a 350 person wedding than a 29 person wedding? Shouldn't I expect to pay less if just 29 of my best brohams drinking a keg of IPA and putting a pig in the ground and shouldn't I expect to pay more if I'm doing a massive frilly thing pictured above^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^?
Detroit wrote:Buy 911s instead of diamonds.
Johnny_P wrote: Thu Feb 09, 2023 3:21 pm Earn it and burn it, Val.
max225 wrote: Mon May 01, 2023 5:35 pm Yes it's a cool car. But prepare the lube/sawdust.
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Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:24 pm
Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:00 pm

I mean, our prices don’t change based on guest count. Next weekend’s guest list of 29 paid the same as the guest count for last weekend at 350. A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. And elopements at least frequently include destinations.

They’re just usually done to avoid dealing with everything they’d be paying me to deal with.
I am in no way taking any shots at you. Just curious. Don't you have to do a helluva lot more work for a 350 person wedding than a 29 person wedding? Shouldn't I expect to pay less if just 29 of my best brohams drinking a keg of IPA and putting a pig in the ground and shouldn't I expect to pay more if I'm doing a massive frilly thing pictured above^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^?
My thoughts exactly.
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:wap: Where are these mangos?
Detroit wrote: Fri Apr 16, 2021 1:19 pm I don't understand anything anymore.
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Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:24 pm
Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:00 pm

I mean, our prices don’t change based on guest count. Next weekend’s guest list of 29 paid the same as the guest count for last weekend at 350. A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. And elopements at least frequently include destinations.

They’re just usually done to avoid dealing with everything they’d be paying me to deal with.
I am in no way taking any shots at you. Just curious. Don't you have to do a helluva lot more work for a 350 person wedding than a 29 person wedding? Shouldn't I expect to pay less if just 29 of my best brohams drinking a keg of IPA and putting a pig in the ground and shouldn't I expect to pay more if I'm doing a massive frilly thing pictured above^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^?

For our wedding (aka house party), we probably spent about $2K or so.
I think I spent about $800 for catering, about $200 on beer and a few select liquors I didn't already have in stock, about 300 in decorations and odds and ends. And probably a few hundred on the custom cupcakes and small cake topper.
We chose to skip the venue because we had a good idea of how many people would actually show up, and we didn't want to break the bank on what would of been about 50-60 people. But if I had to do a big wedding, a planner would be a huge relief. We didn't even do anything crazy and we had a lot of running around just making sure everything was all going as planned. But we're big DIY'rs so I saved money all over the place.
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LOL @ "dick trap"
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Desertbreh wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:24 pm
Sno wrote: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:00 pm

I mean, our prices don’t change based on guest count. Next weekend’s guest list of 29 paid the same as the guest count for last weekend at 350. A wedding is a wedding is a wedding. And elopements at least frequently include destinations.

They’re just usually done to avoid dealing with everything they’d be paying me to deal with.
I am in no way taking any shots at you. Just curious. Don't you have to do a helluva lot more work for a 350 person wedding than a 29 person wedding? Shouldn't I expect to pay less if just 29 of my best brohams drinking a keg of IPA and putting a pig in the ground and shouldn't I expect to pay more if I'm doing a massive frilly thing pictured above^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^?
and wap.

No shots taken, it's a valid question. Traditionally, in the wedding biz, prices per head are only configured by tangible products. Meals, florals, etc. If I have done my job correctly, headcount truly doesn't make any more or less work for my team specifically. Of course, every once in a while we get screwed and we are moving 250 down chairs to a ceremony site and back up a set of stairs to the reception space (did it in September) or we're lighting extra candles because 350 people means more tables with candles than a wedding of 29. But that is never something I would charge extra for.

Come wedding day, if it's all lined up correctly and I have done my job well, we are simply coordinating. I am telling the catering staff to start asking the 350 guests to move from the cocktail hour to their seats in the reception. I am directing the florist delivery team to put the tall centerpieces on these tables and the low ones on those. I am running to the venue staff to get power back to the kitchen after a blown breaker. All things that need to be handled on the day of but shouldn't be done by the bride or her family.

It's no extra work for me to coordinate, communicate, confirm, etc. with vendors if there are 29 napkins being ordered and delivered of 350. The catering team folds the napkins (we do it if we have to, again, jump in where needed, if needed.)

Don't get me wrong, a majoirty of my job is heavy lifting and sweating. I am truly worthless on a Sunday after a wedding. But it's mostly from standing for 18+ hours and just straight up moving, running, being physical for that amount of time. I put in 32,000 steps this past Saturday. Are smaller weddings easier? Absolutely. But a restaurant isn't going to charge you less for a filet mignon than a Beef Bourguignon because the filet is easier to cook.

I have just built my business on not nickling diming as well as under promising and over delivering. Through the wedding planning process, the couple is just raped over costs. It's so many people trying to make money off of them. I have found more success in saying the price is the price. And then jumping in on things I know that cause little work to my team but a huge impact in helpfulness to my couple.

It's also important to keep in mind we rarely see a wedding under 100 people. There are several ways to charge for wedding planning. Traditionally, planners were paid a percentage of the budget. But weddings have taken such a different life in the past ten years that is not a realistic business plan any more.
Desertbreh wrote: Tue Dec 05, 2017 1:58 pm At the risk of being sucked into your wedding planner decorative vortex, that is kind of cute.
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